No More BFF?

Those geniuses of social engineering are at it again. Today I introduce you to a New York Times article entitled "A Best Friend? You Must Be Kidding." The article starts off with the idea that some think having a best friend at a young age is outdated or romantically over thought of. Basically the advocates of more friendships feel that having one best friend is a detriment to a child's upbringing.

Quoting directly from the article:

But increasingly, some educators and other professionals who work with children are asking a question that might surprise their parents: Should a child really have a best friend?

“Parents sometimes say Johnny needs that one special friend,” she continued. “We say he doesn’t need a best friend.”

The writer for the story correctly points out this concept is a "manifestation" of how educators, parents and other adults want to micromanage all aspects of a kid's life.

What the new theorist want if for kids to have clusters of friend and not just one close best friend. They argue further than having one friend can lead to cliques, exclusivity and bullying.

Even schools are getting in on the act. If they see two kids gravitating to each other they might intervene and encourage them to sit with someone else at lunch or play on different sports teams at PE.

Reflecting back on my school years, I did have a best friend growing up in the neighborhood. We separated as best friends due to age difference. I was one year older so I started middle school a year before him. By the end of the school year I had a new clique of friends. I still hung out with my best friend from neighborhood. By high school we had formed very different groups of friends. We didn't have a fight or a fallen out. We both grew up and found bigger groups of friends with similar interest. In high school, his peers were partying skirt chasers and of course typical teen stuff too. My clan was more homebodies that watch movies, went to football games and did outdoors stuff like fishing and camping. We had girlfriends but weren't the skirt chasers my old friend's group was.

So yes there were two cliques but we remained good friends all through school.

Even in my group of high school buddies there was a dynamic to the group. As a whole we were all friends, hung out, had lunch together and did a lot as a group. Within that group there were smaller groups of two, three or four friends that hung out more than with others in the group. I had my best friend Mike. We hung out most the time but there would be times where he hung out with other guys in the group and I would too.

Guess what, helicopter parents with play dates, and child experts that want social engineer kids friends, there is no need to. We had plenty of cliques, groups within the cliques and so forth with no major problems. That's call learning to socialize and make friends.

Helicopter parents and child social engineers don't want children to feel rejection, or reduce the feeling of rejection if they have a larger group of friends but no one best friend. I think it's a bad idea. That special best friend bond helps a child develop some useful adulthood tool like how to form strong individual bonds. It gives a foundation to build on when they group up and have more chances to form individual bonds. Sure kids will get rejected or hurt but why wait until adulthood to feel it when you can learn it as a child and not be blindsided by new feelings.

Instead, children need to develop these skills for use in later life. When they get in the real world rejection will come in job interviews, date, romantic interests and bad friends. If you don't expose them to it now and learn how to cope, you are holding back a maturing process.